Dear Crabby

Well my back is shot. I've been packing again. Is this all I do anymore? Yes. It is. Sorry. I'll at least try to make it more interesting by drinking wine whist packing. Then it's like Christmas on unpacking day. "Does this say 'Living Room' or 'Dead Mice'? Who's to know?" Anyway, I got a bunch of good questions tonight, so here's a few fer ya...

Dear Crabby,

What's more important in a guy? Looks or brains? Be blunt, please.

Love always,
(Possibly) Shallow Hal

Dear PSH,

I guess it all depends. Who is richer? I kid!!! Would YOU rather be graded on your looks or your brains? Think long and hard about that, and choose the same thing. Here's a little tip I learned in college - yup, I LEARNED something in college. We are all attracted to our own level of dysfunction. Are you gorgeous but brainless? Go for looks. You can make pretty babies and hang out in VIP rooms with no one the wiser. If you pride yourself on correcting grammar and reading and junk, go for brains and maybe save the world. If you're somewhere in the middle, you have your work cut out for you. You'll have to dig through the know-it-alls and the vanity kings to find the happy medium. Either way, it's more important that you find someone who complements (and compliments!) you in the best way.

Dear Crabby,

Is it true that once someone's a cheater they're always a cheater?

Thanks,
Asking for a Friend

Dear Asking for a Friend,

First, $10 says you're NOT asking this question for a friend. Yessssssss! I win $10!! Okay, personally, I DON'T believe this. I think it depends on the person. If they are shady and sneaky and rude and chronically unsatisfied, then yeah. They'll probably cheat if they've done it before. But people make mistakes. Are YOU perfect? Probs not. People don't always cheat because they're jerks. Sure, most of the time that's the case. But sometimes people cheat for crazy reasons, and then feel so eternally bad about it, they never do it again. It's all dependent on the person. You know how Ross cheated on Rachel in Friends? (Kim keeps telling me to stop learning lessons from fictional TV shows, but it can't be helped) He wasn't some sleaze ball just trying to put one over on someone, right? One mistake does not necessarily a cheater make. But if your bf (or YOU) cheated, it's time to reassess the relationship. Can it be repaired? Can you trust (or be trusted) again? What went wrong in the first place? Figure out all those gnarly deets and you'll know the answer.

Dear Crabby,

Okay, settle an argument, wouldja? I'm pretty sure you can eat most mushrooms that grow outside. My friend thinks most wild mushrooms are unsafe to eat and is constantly worried she's going to get all high if she eats the wrong ones. Who's right here?

Thanks!
Shroom n' Doom

Dear SND,

Who do I look like, Bear Grylls? I have no idea what you're talking about. I used to eat the bark off white trees (I think they are birch trees) and ants and I turned out just fine. Shut up. I wouldn't eat any ol' mushroom, though. Mostly 'cause it's a fungus and that's just gross. Um, hmmm. My advice is that you not eat random wild mushrooms unless you are an Eagle Scout or something. Why risk poisoning yourself just to prove a point? Sorry, SND, but I am siding with your pal.

Well? How'd I do? Pretty sure I nailed each one of these questions. To those who didn't get their question answered this week, fear not! I'll be back here next week, figuring out your lives for you. Yay! If you need help that doesn't necessarily require actual professional help, shoot your $hit to pharonsquare@gmail.com and I'll show you how it's done. Hey yo!