Monday, March 26, 2012

You Do The Math

Duuuuudes. I'm so sleepy. I spent all night after work at my brother's house, helping him rearrange and reorganize some rooms. Yes, this is the brother who became a father like 7 days ago. Typical guy. Embarking on major projects while his newborn slept with his wife in the other room? Perfect timing. Luckily, my parents and Prinna were there too.

We got started by having me hold and cuddle Freya for an hour or so. I was working hard. Then we got to work on the spare bedroom. They just had their ceilings redone, so things are kind of in disarray. While Peter and my dad did manly things, like play with guns and lift heavy things, my mom and Prinna and I sat on the bed in the spare room, visualizing. After 60 or so suggestions, we decided to get started.

Prinna said "What if we move the bed there, and the dresser there. Will that fit?" I said, "Only one way to find out!" Did we fetch the measuring tape? Good lord, no. The only way to see if something will fit is to just move it and see. It's always such an adventure. Way better than MEASURING. That's for nerds and squares.

We had to move everything approx 100 times before finding the right configuration. It was heavy.

Then Peter comes in while we are attempting to hang a picture. He must have overheard our Mensa meeting regarding measuring and math. He watched skeptically as we "measured" (a.k.a. eyeballed) the height and tried to center it. Then I held the picture as Prinna drilled straight into the wall sort of where we agreed to drill. No level. No ruler. Just eyeballs. Peter was all "Uh, is that level?" We're all, "Lay off, Hitler, we're decorating here!"

Eventually we got it hung. STRAIGHT AND CENTER. Rulers? We don't need no stinkin' rulers.

When we got to baby Freya's room to hang some cute letters (F-R-E-Y-A, coincidentally) Peter started panicking. I was, apparently, way too lax in my placements and too liberal with my intended nail hole propositions for his taste. He had to leave the room to gather himself. My dad sat and said "Measure that part and that part, then add the total, divide in half and measure that far from the wall."

Exsqueeze me? I've got EYEBALLS, you know.

Instead, I followed my dad's advice. I said "Okay, the total is 14 inches plus 23.5 inches." He's all "So, add those..." My brain started throbbing. I started sweating. "Uh, 37.5 inches?" My dad said "Yes, now what's half of that?" My brain then exploded. That's, like, a FRACTION. You can't just HALVE fractions. So my dad watched as his adult(ish) daughter folded the measuring tape in half and I said "Okay, 18 and three medium lines."

Then my dad's brain exploded. Poor guy.

Anyway, after all the moving and brilliant mental math, I was pooped. Wiped out. So, I'm going to bed. I have to be up in, oh man, I don't know. Either 4 or 24 hours or something. Whatever, I'm not counting anymore today.


Madeline Solien said...

I hope you watch Up All Night..and I hope the "You do the math" is a quick nod to how awesome Will Arnett is in that show...

Pharon Square said...

Sorry, Madeline. I DON'T watch that show so I have no idea what you're talking about. Though, I do love Will Arnett and think he's awesome.

Madeline Solien said...

Watch the most recent episode with when Will Arnett becomes the Ask A Lawyer guy...It's great

SARAH ABT said...

I love this line.....hysterical!!!
Exsqueeze me? I've got EYEBALLS, you know.