Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The theoretical practicality of pixelated flip books (Or: Why I like cartoons)

You know what I enjoy? Animated situation comedies. Fine, I love cartoons. Sue me. Pretty much everyone makes fun of me for choosing reruns of The Simpsons over the news on an embarrassingly regular basis. Whatevs! I guess I never grew out of my childhood fascination for giant eyes and perfectly drawn ponytails. Tonight I was babysitting and, much to my horror, I learned that my nieces prefer real-life Disney tween stars to leggy rock stars with magic earrings or pizza-eating turtles. Weird.

I never had cable growing up, so I didn't have Nickelodeon or those other fancy channels (#spoiledbratproblems) so we'd always watch The Smurfs, Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers, My Little Pony and other network-approved cartoons. They were 22 minutes of surreal characters teaching me real-life lessons. A PONY who won't SHARE?! The horror!

Now, though, as a grown woman who has a real job and owns a car and can book my own flights, I prefer a little bit more of a sophisticated genre. That means cartoons with absolutely no lesson whatsoever. I'm smart enough to know I should share and help out a friend in need, thankyouverymuch. That's why I love me some Family Guy, Simpsons, Futurama and occasionally some Aqua Teen Hunger Force. These totally valid forms of entertainment teach me nothing except how to appreciate obscure societal references. The characters never change, the plots are far out and funny, and mouths can be slapped on any ol' drawing and become a snarky sidekick. (See: Meatwad.)

[You have likely noticed that I do not fall for the hoax that is Japanimation. No thank you. I don't like creepy Pokemon creatures or wise old ninjas who fly through the air for 30 seconds before battling some chick with comically large eyes and inappropriately short skirts.]

Anyway, there's no real point to this post. Mostly, I just was sad to find that instead of watching SpongeBob SquarePants, my nieces wanted to watch a show about some unrealistically rich tweens who live on a Hollywood movie lot or some such nonsense. Talk about FAKE! At least in cartoons I KNOW nothing is real because NO ONE IS REAL ON THE SHOW. Who knows? Maybe my nieces think that it's, like, totally normal for kids to not have parents and have giant walk-in closets that have rotating shoe shelves and flattering overhead lights.

Yeah, okay, kids. Good luck with that. Meanwhile, I'll be searching Craigslist for a talking dog or a robot that smokes cigars. I'll probably find my things first.

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