Monday, July 29, 2013

Name Change Game Changer

Bad news, guys. I think I may have to change the name of this blog because the government is making me change my name. Okay, FINE it's really only my last name, and they aren't really MAKING me, but STILL. As part of getting married, I, a woman, have to completely change my identity all because of a MAN. Ugh. Damn the Man. 

So yeah, I decided on a whim while completing the marriage license application to take Geo's last name. I guess I didn't so much TAKE it as I did cut-and-paste it after my own last name. Oh, and I just tossed out my middle names like they were yesterdays Lean Cuisine trays. See ya later, Eve Louise. It's been real having a piece of each side of my parent's family as my identity, but I am not a Queen so I can't really pull off the Five Names thing. Bye, Eve and Louise. I love you. 

And suddenly I realized that changing my last name (and ditching my middle ones) means so much more than just being put way earlier in the alphabet during high school graduation ceremonies. A lot changes with a name:

For starters? ALL MY EMAIL ADDRESSES. Oh, not to mention all my user names and my name plate at work. My Facebook info. My Instagram account. The initials on my competition cheerleading bag that I still have from when I was 17. See?? EVERYTHING will change.

I don't know what to do with my new identity. Should I be good or evil? Should I be the kind of person who separates her laundry and gets a cat? Or should I cut my own bangs and pledge allegiance to The Pixies? Who, exactly, am I now? This must be how existentialists feel. Oooh, maybe I'm much smarter with a new last name!

Quick Pharon, what's 6 times 8? 

Orange culottes! 

Nope, not smarter. Definitely not smarter. 

Well, we'll see how the whole thing goes when I actually go to hand in my marriage license forms. Maybe I will end up changing my mind and pulling a Phoebe Buffay (Say hello to Mrs. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock!) I guess we'll see. Until then, I better live it up with my current, Scandinavian last name. Maybe I'll get monogrammed towels for myself or go to Sweden and see if I know anyone and can get like free lefse or something. Maybe I'll go wait in a voting line or two. Like I said: Live. It. Up. 

So this is a big deal. I have a feeling I will not handle it like an adult, so that should be interesting. 

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