Tuesday, November 20, 2012

A Truly Bad Start to every morning

I'd like to write this post to complain to the "fine" people at TBS. Now that I'm Amish and only have like 5 TV channels (one of which is Fox News, so, I basically have 4 channels) I rely heavily on the programming choices made at TBS, ABC Family and TLC. And let me tell you, people, I'm not liking what I'm seeing.

I don't know what happened when TBS decided to change their morning lineup, but I think there was a fire sale on terrible shows and TBS pounced. There used to be Saved by the Bell reruns every morning, which made getting ready for work downright amazing. Zack Attack? Yes please! But now? Allow me list the shows that command the "prime time" spots.

My Name is Earl. Home Improvement. According to Jim. Every single show ever produced by Tyler Perry.  

What!? What ARE these shows? They're the WORST SHOWS EVER. They're one episode of Two and a Half Men away from ruining TV forever in a single morning. But what am I supposed to do, watch the NEWS in the morning? Turn off the TV? NO THANKS. So, I end up watching these atrocious excuses for entertainment and there's simply nothing I can do about it.

Is there any person on the planet who truly enjoys these shows? I mean, I KIND OF understand Home Improvement. (Who didn't have a crush on that middle kid when they were a preteen?) But the rest of them are simply tragic. I've pooped funnier plot lines than even the best episodes of these shows.

You'd think that a network with enough sense to get Conan and keep showing Friends and Family Guy would understand that not one show on their morning schedule elicits even one tiny chuckle from anyone who is not the boringest person ever. TBS: Very funny? I think not. Maybe the joke's on me.

Also, TBS? I GET IT. COUGAR TOWN IS COMING TO TBS IN 2 FREAKING MONTHS. I swear, if they don't stop playing the promos for Cougar Town, I'm going to buy an actual cougar to eat my TV and my eyeballs.

For all it's redeeming qualities, TBS has seriously missed the mark on entertaining me in the mornings. It's like they don't even CARE about cheering me up when I inevitably wake up cranky every morning and only want to add fuel to the fire. I don't even mind that they repeat movies mercilessly until I can memorize every line in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. But filling morning time slots with the worst shows on TV is almost enough to completely cancel out the 2 hours they dedicate to Friends in the afternoons.

Oh, also? I've watched the Tyler Perry shows. Spoiler alert: THEY ARE ALL EXACTLY THE SAME SHOW. EXACTLY. THE. SAME. 

Here's a helpful hint for the suits at TBS: Instead of vomiting all over my mornings, maybe consider going back to the days when you'd play Dawson's Creek or Saved by the Bell reruns. I'd even settle for a 2-hour block of pilot episodes from failed TV series.

In closing, I'd like to formally request that TBS changes its programming schedule in my area sooner than later. If I see one more scene where Tim Allen mixes up the lesson he supposedly learned from Wilson, I'm going to punch myself in the face and then punch my TV. Get it together, TBS.

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