Monday, November 5, 2012

My name is Pharon Square, and I approve this rant.

Sweet baby Jane. I am SO SICK of politics. The only thing more annoying than political ads ruining all my TV is people talking about how annoying they are. Never one to want to miss out on a trend, however, I suppose it's about time I momentarily join the party. The political party! Yessssss.

I'm not going to tell you who to vote for. I won't even tell you who NOT to vote for. I will tell you, however, to just VOTE. (But not for the wrong guy, 'cause you know...he sucks and will ruin everyone's life.) The only other time that adults get stickers anymore is when you get an apple and accidentally get the stupid sticker stuck to your long sweater and you don't even realize it until someone says "You have a sticker on your ass," and then you can't get it off without tugging on the wool and leaving a big ol' fuzzy strand of wool dangling off your butt.

Anyways, the best part about voting is that it puts an end to the election. I couldn't be more bored or disillusioned by all the absolutely absurd commercials and political pundits and talking points and arbitrary numbers. Did you guys know that 100 percent of political statistics are, ultimately, useless and downright wrong? 'Cause they are.

Also? I'm sick of learning that some of my friends on Facebook are idiots. If you're going to put it out there that you are, for example, a total knob, you should be ready to face some disagreement. Too many people are all "If you don't like my views, don't read my statuses!" And then when they DO get defriended because all they do is post fake statistics and baseless accusations, they get all "I hate when people can't handle a difference of opinion and are so close-minded that they defriend people with different political views."

No, dummy. You aren't getting defriended because because of your views, you are getting defriended because you are rude and obnoxious and well, probably wrong.

Anyway, Facebook is ruined during election time, and so is TV and every billboard I can see out my own window. It's like the Kardashians are in charge of the publicity schedule for the candidates. I can't wait for the first "tape" to come out! The only part of my life that hasn't been demolished with "I'm such-and-such and I approve this absolute bull$hit seeping out of my mouth hole," is the wedding section of Explore on Pinterest. Thank God I'm actually getting married.

So yeah. I'm just really stupid-annoyed by politics and useless rhetoric. It's at the point where I've almost lost sight of what these people stand for and just want to vote for the least obnoxious person. I'd almost vote for Angelina Jolie at this point. (Although I'm pretty sure only human beings can run for public office, not bloodless skeleton souls draped in Gucci...'cause I mean come on, what do THEY know about health care!?)

Okay, that's my two cents. Get out there, cast your vote and then get ready for the inevitable whining of the losing party. My only word of advice, especially to Minnesotans: Don't be jackwads, okay? Okay.

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