Story Hour! Part Three

RECAPS
Chapter 1
Chapter 2

Xavier and Louann spent most of the night side by side at the bar, reminiscing about their brief, but passionate, secret love affair. He teased her about her incessant whining and humongous feet, and she poked fun at the way he cried after both movies and love making. For an hour, they laughed and had an okay time before they fell silent, each silently cursing the other for bringing up the ridiculous past.

Louann gulped down the last of her Vodka-Mountain Dew and smiled smugly. “Poor Xavier,” she started. “You poor man. You’re so devoted to me, and yet so, so alone. I guess I owe you one more unforgettable night.” Xavier choked on his Cosmopolitan. He was embarrassed for her, and a little hurt at her implications. She still didn’t realize it was HE who was taking pity on HER, not the other way around. “You idiot,” he laughed. “What makes you think I want anything from you? You’re the one who will be sleeping alone tonight, honey.” He had spoken so loudly that the bartender chuckled to himself behind the bar. Both stared stubbornly at the other before Louann, humiliated, pulled on her horrendous zebra-striped fur coat and stomped out of the bar.

She hadn’t gotten more than 10 feet from the bar before she was jumped. One of the men poked a gun in her back, while the other snatched her Prada bag. The men were young, Louann noted. And kind of cute. As the two men debated whether or not to make her hand over her tacky – and probably fake – jewelry, Louann batted her eyelashes and tried asking the gun dude for his number. “Is this broad crazy, bro?” he asked his accomplice. “I don’t know, yo, but we better get outta here before we find out for sure!” Louann chased the two men for 5 blocks, pleading for both her purse and a date, before giving up and walking home.

She had no money. No ID. No Tic Tacs. It was near dawn when she arrived back at her house. She walked inside and expected an avalanche of insults and punishments to be hurled at her by her parents. But it was quiet.

A couple hours later, Louann sat at the breakfast table eating her usual dodo bird eggs and unicorn sausage. Her dad, Lou, came in the kitchen and asked, "What the hell are you looking at?" Louann shrugged. She could tell he had been up late, fighting with her mother. His eyes were puffy and glassy and his voice was hoarse from yelling. She asked her father if he wanted any juice. He ignored her.

“Where the hell did your money-grubbing mother go?” he finally demanded. Louann finished her eggs. "All I know is that she is supposed to be going to yogilates this morning and then having a long, solo day at a super fancy spa on the other side of the tracks before meeting you and you alone for a private dinner on your private yacht.” Lou considered this, and silently wondered why Louann suddenly had taken such an interest in her mother’s schedule. He also wondered why Louann had gone to such lengths to plan this crazy, whacked out private date night for her parents, when he knew all too well how much Louann hated them both. He brushed aside his suspicions and went back to ignoring Louann.

When she heard her father’s car drive away, Louann breathed loudly. She had set the trap. The neighbors would know her parents had fought that night. She had gotten the gun to Xavier, and though she had lost her purse with the rest of Xavier’s money in it, she felt confident that he would do what she asked. And if all went according to her haphazard, blatantly obvious plan, her mother would be dead by sundown, Xavier would be headed to prison, and Louann would finally have everything she ever wanted.