Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Write Stuff

Seething. I was all prepared to write a blog ranting rationally pointing out the flaws of a recent development in my living situation, but I need to just shelve that right now. I can't unwrite the things I want to write at this moment. I can't unsay that I think it's downright communism to have to pay, however LITTLE, for my neighbors use of our washer/dryer. Especially after being without HEAT for three days. Oh, didn't I mention the heat went out AGAIN? Oh, because it did. I just, I don't, I can't...I shouldn't write in this state. I have to move on.

Non sequitor! I am SO sick of my handwriting. Is that weird? This afternoon, while making a “To Do” List, I started testing out different “R”s and “E”s and “G”s throughout the list. What’s that, Charlie Sheen? You want your crazy back? Sorry, I’m kind of using it right now. I came to the conclusion, however, that penmanship (rude! – penWOMANship!) is not exactly my forte. Trying to read my writing is like trying to get through the Danger Above level in Angry Birds without cheating. That is, to say, very difficult to do, and typically not worth it in the end.

I remember all through middle and high school, this one group of “popular” girls all had the EXACT SAME HANDWRITING. It was like they wrote in their own, programmed font and it was kinda creepy. You could seriously tell when a girl was making the leap from “average and well-liked” to “Dudes, meet me at my Jeep Wrangler and lets just go get manicures instead of going to History”. You could tell, because all of a sudden, she’d turn in her homework (intermittently now) and her letters would be all boxy and strong, and smooshed together. Exhibit A:

You better believe I tried every day for many many moons to write like that. You know, so I could trick the other girls into thinking I was popular too. I was doing my homework one night and I tried writing the crazy hard, tight letters. It was really tough and my hand started to cramp up. I switched the pen around in my hand so that it came out between my pointer and middle finger instead of between my thumb and pointer finger (you following me?) It kind of worked, actually! I was all “Yeah! I better start saving for my leopard-print steering wheel cover today!” But then my mom walked in and said “Ugh, what are you doing? It looks like you’re writing with your FOOT!” Foiled.

I still don’t like my handwriting, popular girl or not. Lately, though, I wish it was just really freaky neat and people would say “Pharon, could you come and write this nasty hate letter to this idiot who double parked? Your handwriting is totally the best!” There are times at work when I’m filling out forms and I’ll have to go over a whole line with white-out, because by the end of the sentence, even I can’t tell what I’ve written.

The point is, when I have to start signing autographs (and I know that day will come), no one will know what I've written, which is nice. Or terrible. I haven't decided yet. But maybe I should only worry about perfecting my "Best Wishes! Hope you can read this illegible mumbo-jumbo!"

All the Best,


JessiferSeabs said...

I work with a lot of girls that STILL write like that, FYI. I don't get it. But my handwriting, which used to be very beautiful, is now swoopy, swirly, loopy crap, thanks to the fact that I basically type more hours of the day than I sleep.

I think it IS downright communism that you are being asked to pay your neighbors laundry bills. And I think you SHOULD say it. That's freaking ridiculous. Look, we're all nice people who would OFFER to pay the laundry bill for people who stumble upon a hard time, but mandating it without your consent is utter BS.

So based on that, you can probably guess my thoughts on economic policy. ;-)

Madeline Solien said...

Wanna really freakout about handwriting? Check this puppy out:

LanaMadonna said...

Great post Pharon--I just found a box of notes from high school and college and hardly recognized my own handwriting! I have become much more swirly with age...though now i secretly covet frenchie block writing like this:

Madeline--that site is so cool! must. play. all. day.

Pharon Square said...

OMG, Madeline that is THE coolest concept! I'm going to try it out tonight! Wonder if I could write my whole blog in my very own font??

Jess, I agree. And the part that got me the most fired up was that our landlady DIDN'T ask us first - she just told us. And she probably wouldn't have even TOLD us if I hadn't emailed's criminal!