Friday, August 9, 2013

Let's Hang Out Forever

Um. IT'S HAPPENING. Tonight, my aunts from Rhode Island showed up for the wedding and immediately, I was like "OMG. I'm getting married this weekend and I'm not ready. At all."

I have nothing packed for the weekend. I have no clue where I'm going in the morning tomorrow before the rehearsal. I have 1 billion things to think about and nothing to actually DO right now. So after spending the day at my parents' house, I came home late tonight, threw some underwear and shoes in a suitcase and just kind of...stared. At nothing. The TV wasn't on, my phone was quiet and I had no checklist to worry about. Holy crap. What do I do now?

My sisters and I went and got out nails did this morning and then just kind of waited for things to start. And then things started. Fast. My aunts Debbie, Jackie, Cindi and Sarah, my cousin Jackie and my grandmaman swooped into town and it all started feeling extremely exciting. I got so amped to hang out with everyone that I wanted the night to stretch on for hours. But before I knew it, I had to come home. I was supposed to head out to the hotel where we are staying this weekend and where Geo is, but I had way too much to do here so I just came home to my apartment. The same one I've been in for over a year. The same one I moved into when Geo was in Alabama. The same one that I have lived in as a non-married girl.

So I walked in and immediately broke into tears. I wanted to be with everyone at once and instead ended up in my own apartment, alone. My Iowa friends are here. My amazeballs family from out East are here. Geo's whole family is here. And they're all here for MY OUR wedding. How could I justify sleeping in the same bed that has last week's bills tucked under the pillows and a dirty sock rolled up in the sheets? These are things from LAST WEEK. BEFORE I was literally just about to get married! It just doesn't feel right.

I talked to Geo, who reassured me that everything was going to be amazing. I said "I don't even know how to pack a bag for a couple days that includes a wedding." And he said "Just pack your favorite clothes and you'll be fine." And I did that and just kind of wandered back and forth. I looked out the window and tried to decide if I feel any different (I don't) or if I look any different (I don't) than I did a couple days ago. It has been extremely surreal.

Getting married is exciting. But it's exciting in ways I never imagined. For one night, I have all the people I love most in the world coming to hang out with me. But there are simply not enough hours to make them all realize how much I want to have their babies and love them. I want to spend WEEKS with my aunts and cousin and grandmaman. I want to be in book clubs with my soon-to-be in-laws. I want to go out for happy hours with all of my friends all of the time. I want everyone to be here forever. Can I register for that?

But at the end of all these thoughts, I realized that all of these things would only be amazing if Geo were there with me as well. And while I can't guarantee that all my beloved family and friends will hang out with me all the time forever, I know that Geo will. And that's proving to be the most exciting part.


Kada said...

Oh my gosh Pharon... What a great blog! All those feelings written down are so powerful. I'm not sure why it made me cry, but it did. I'm so excited for you (and Geo!) you are going to be a fabulous bride AND a WONDERFUL life long friend and WIFE !!!!!!!!! You go girl :-)

grandmaman said...

I cannot tell a lie! I felt all weepy after reading this on the