Tuesday, April 9, 2013


I've been lucky enough to be friends with a lot of ladies who have gotten married recently or are about to take the ol' plunge any day now. So what do people do when they are about to get married?

They celebrate being single.

There have been a lot of discussions about bachelorette parties lately. I have like 4 weddings this summer, not to mention the Biggest Event of the Season (a.k.a My Wedding. My fiance may also be there.) So, one of the things that girls talk about is bachelorette partays. I recently discovered that I am seriously in the minority when it comes to b-rette celebrations.

A lot of my pals didn't get married right out of college, and the idea is that we should be more mature. And many of them are. Drunken trips to see exotic dancers were replaced with slightly buzzed evenings of sisterhood and bonding; shots of Rumpleminz were replaced with sips of Chardonnay. It's what mature people do.

My problem, however, is that I'm not mature. I'm not. No matter how many times I do my own laundry or pay bills on time or drink wine out of actual glasses and not the bottle, something about me screams "I REFUSE TO GROW UP."

I've been worried that I'm a freak lately. I have felt like the middle-aged women shopping at Forever 21. I want a cheesy, raunchy, silly, dance-filled night where I spill grape apes on myself and don't have to mind my manners. At my b-rette party, I want to do the kind of things that would be super embarrassing for Geo to witness. Slip on my too-high shoes. Give tequila another try. Ask strangers if I can eat their leftover pizza or give someone $5 to dance on the bar (or win $5 for dancing on the bar). Stuff like that. I'm well aware that I'm probably too old for that stuff. I don't care. I miss the good ol' days when a gal got to let down her hair and be crazy for a night. No judgement. That's all.

The guys in my circle are not helping my plight. They spend bachelor parties playing poker and making elaborate plans to play Halo on multiple screens and other things I couldn't possibly have less interest in. Snooze.

So, here I am again. On the outs with cultural norms. But, like my obsession with confetti, I know that I'm in the right here.

Then today I read this article: In Defense of Wild Bachelorette Parties. Huzzah! Someone else who understands how great it would feel to just let loose and not be The Girl Planning a Wedding for a night! I have to be so grown-up calling vendors, signing contracts, balancing a budget and dieting/exercising to fit into a dress. You guys? That's a lot of responsibility! And with the pressure of planning a wedding, not to mention the weight of the eternal vow I'm making, this girl needs some brainless crayziness.

I have a feeling that once I get married, the world will no longer revolve around me, you know, like it does now. For one night, I just really want to not have to worry about what I eat, what shoes I'm wearing, whether or not my shirt is too low-cut, why I want to dance instead of playing video trivia and which Michael Buble song will rule my night. I want to be Pharon. Not Pharon Planning A Wedding. And let me tell you, Pharon was/is a crazy fun girl who loves to dance to Britney Spears and dirty rap.

Anyways, I'm glad that some unknown stranger feels the very same way I do about b-rette parties. It makes me feel more accepted. Less freaky. More like I want to invite that girl to my own b-rette party. And, you know, if Channing Tatum shows up on a stage somewhere, ALL THE BETTER.


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