Thursday, July 15, 2010

Behind every group of guys...

So to make this easier for everyone, I drew that handy little flow chart up there. It’s how Perek, Geo, Mitch, Chad, and I are all connected (I obviously have the cutest outfit…). I intend to prove here that I am a big factor in the reason the 4 boys have stayed friends after college and are now embarking on a hilarious podcast together that will, no doubt, achieve critical acclaim everywhere. Therefore, I should get a cut.

For example, every group of friends has a Fall Guy. You know, the one that the others rag on, make fun of, those kinds of things. I was the Fall Guy. When all the boys were playing Guitar Hero and passing expert songs without even batting an eye, I was the one playing on Medium, struggling with through the two-note chords. They’d offer me suggestions, ways to improve, and then “show me” how to do it. Instant ego-boost for them.

I brought girls to parties. They all have a mess of guy friends, but I’d bring the token girl friends that made them actually put on a clean shirt.

Women have a good aesthetic eye, too. Nevermind the fact that I add knick knacks to a room like nobody’s business, but I have a framed, original print of the iconic Farrah Fawcett, in her orange swimsuit that I very proudly insisted on displaying in our main room. You’re welcome, boys!

I noticed things, too. New haircut? I like it. Did you get a new cologne? Smells good. Have you been doing P90 X? Wow! You can tell! Who doesn’t like having a person notice, and then compliment on, things like that?

I’ve also made them brownies, cookies and cupcakes sometimes, which they all happily ate.

Also, I mean, come on. I’m the girl! When one of them would come home from a date, I would listen to how it went. I would ask the questions the other boys wouldn’t. Here’s a secret: deep down, every boy wants to talk about their date. And not just stuff like “we totally made out” either. They want to talk about what the girl ate, whether he was nervous, and what they talked about. It’s a fact, ladies. Guys talk about dates in much the same way girls talk about dates.

Now, to be fair, these guys are all above-par dudes. They care about what people think, they are kind, they are funnier together than any group of people I’ve ever known in my life. They’re smart, and they’re always looking to learn more. But, without me, they might not know this about themselves and drift apart in search of other guys who are a little lost and just need someone to fart with.

So yeah, when they get their podcast up and running, and you start subscribing to Good Guys To Know, think of me. Think of the hours I put in gently massaging their egos, and encouraging their comedy and hijinks. Therefore, I hereby demand a 15% cut of any podcast profits.


Vincent Vega said...

Very well put, PH. A belated thanks for everything.

Pharon said...

Hahaha, I'm sensing just the tiniest bit of sarcasm there, Vincent. Can we agree on 10% plus all merchandising proceeds?