Thursday, September 19, 2013

The Black Leather Skirt

We can blame this one on my mom. In 5th grade, she took me to this awesome little children's store for some back-to-school clothes. I got to pick out whatever I wanted, and this girl [points to self] browsed around for oh, 5 seconds before setting my sights on a black leather skirt. It wasn't skanky. It was for kids. It went to my knees and hung off my bony body like a garbage bag on a lamp post. I was in LOVE with it.

So, I wore that skirt everywhere: school, church and probably soccer practice. I paired it with a super boxy (but also very-loved) red blazer and looked like a 40-year-old businesswoman. Seriously, I LOVED IT.

Cut to: freshman year of college. I hadn't worn the skirt in like 8 years, but because I'm a clothes hoarder, I brought it with me. I pulled it out for a disco-themed sorority party and it still fit. But it looked very, very different. It was considerably shorter and tighter. But it still looked super cute and I wore it multiple times with confidence. Then it no longer fit and it went back in the closet, where it still hangs to this day.

Okay, so that was then. This is now. More specifically, this is the night before I head back to Iowa City for my friend Kim's bachelorette party. We are going to tailgate and go out and have a ball. I can't WAIT to go back to my old stomping grounds.

But things are different. I'm a wife. In the suburbs. With an SUV. So I suppose it wasn't surprising when I went through a tiny little identity crisis at the mall tonight. Suddenly, there was nothing else I wanted more in life than a black leather skirt.

Because I am in Rochester, I figured my best bet at finding a black leather skirt was to go to Forever 21. I sent Madeline a text that said "Having an identity crisis and am shopping for a black leather skirt. At Forever 21. Send help." And she responded with "NO! BAIL OUT! BAIL OUT!"

So I did and I went to Express. I felt better about shopping there because the girls working there were NOT wearing mesh leggings with crop tops that said "GANGSTA" on them, which was a nice change from Forever 21. Then I actually FOUND a black leather skirt. For GROWN-UPS. Like, one that you could wear with a red blazer and almost look like a business woman. (Who works at Forever 21 corporate headquarters.)

Geo questioned my wardrobe when I proudly displayed my purchase. He was all, "Um. So. Wait, what?" And I was all "Listen, it's not super short and it's a loose-fitting style." And he goes, "Yeah, but it's...leather." And I was all "Well, FAKE leather!" And he goes "That doesn't make it better."

But I don't care. I'm going to bring it to Iowa City and wear it for the bachelorette party (not the tailgating, duh) -- if I have the guts.

Honestly, chances are, I will probably end up wearing sweatpants and a dirty tank top...because hell, what do I care? I've got a man locked down and money for my own drinks now, thankyouverymuch. Plus, I seem to remember a very important lesson from Friends and I would like to avoid a similar fate


Rachel Wedlund said...

I can't decide whether this is more shocking because of the leather skirt debacle or the fact that Rochester was casually referred to as a suburb. Either way, identity crisis noted.

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