Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Lady Grotto!

I had a very enlightening discussion with my dear pal Madeline today on Gchat. We were talking about decorating our respective homes and what we wanted to do. They all sounded like amazeballs decisions, but we both lamented over the fact that our guys showed much less interest in decorating a home than we do.

Unless it involves a Man Cave.

Um, it is RIDICULOUS that men feel so entitled to have these stupid Man Caves. Who started this phenomenon?! I'd like to think it started as a way of throwing men's ugly stuff away without making him feel bad. You know, just shove his broke-ass ping pong table in the basement next to his beanbag chair and make him feel like it's a "special place" for him. But suddenly, it's turned into this insane thing that every man thinks they need. And they have decided that it also needed to be "awesome."

Men do not need Man Caves anymore. Unless they live with Laura Ashley, there are plenty of ways to decorate a house in such a way that it is fun, accessible, party-proof AND nice looking without covering everything in flowers and lace. Yes guys, women ARE capable of decorating without potpourri and pictures of cats. (AND non-functional decorations will not kill you, men.) Case in point: I suggested hanging Frisbees instead of framed pictures in one of our hallways. As long as they were "nice" Frisbees. See? COMPROMISE.

The worst part about a Man Cave is that when they are challenged about their little hole, men ALWAYS come back with "Well, you have the rest of the house!"

GEE. THANKS. That leaves us the bathrooms, maybe a dining room, a bedroom and, of course, the kitchen. What else could a gal want than a bathroom and kitchen all to her purdy-little self!? So much space to clean and talk about boys and have our periods in! Huzzah!

Um, 'scuse me, but women need to stop egging this behavior on. If a guy has terrible taste or wants a game room or whatever, make it work in the house or throw it away.

Or, wait. You know what? Actually, fine. Have your smelly Man Caves. But then I'd like a Lady Grotto. That's right. I want a Lady Grotto so that I can put MY stuff in it: A craft cart, my wrapping paper supplies, an Apple TV and Dr. Mario area, a wine cellar, my Kate Spade china, billions of Tampons, 2 years worth of InStyle back issues, my fresh linen Scentsy, matching furniture, full rolls of toilet paper, and posters of Charlie Hunnum on the walls.

But no. There are no plans for a Lady Grotto. And that's just fine with me. I'll deal. I don't need a whole room to just fart and drink beer in. I can do that anywhere I want to in my house.

So far, we have a tentative Man Cave going on in our new house. Geo doesn't have bad taste or ugly stuff or anything, but he is one of those guys who has somehow just assumed that a den in our basement will be "his." And he's got big plans for that room. It'll have a bar, his Xbox, a Pacman machine and possibly stadium seating.

Say what?!

Anyway, that's a fight we have yet to have. But after talking to Madeline, I've decided that unless we have a Lady Grotto, there will be no Man Cave. Problem solved.

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