Wednesday Winner

Wait, what? It’s only Wednesday? That can’t be right. It just can’t. It definitely feels like a Friday. Or at least a Thursday. But def not a Wednesday. The past few days have crawled along. The only things getting me through the eternal days are my conversations with Kim about my upcoming BIRTHDAY! Yay! Kim will IM me throughout days with messages like “Can’t wait for this weekend!!” and “Ohmygod, I’m so stressed. But I can’t wait until your birthday!” or even things like “Hey Barb [Kim calls me Barb], I hope you still like ice cream cake!” She’s been awesome. And, while I’d love to have her be the Wednesday Winner, I’m fighting that urge. Because I’m pretty sure I can only do this once a year. This Wednesday’s Winner is:



ME! Yes, I’m my own Wednesday Winner. And I’m going to give you an unbiased, totally objective reason why. BECAUSE I CAN. And, because tomorrow is my birthday, I’m inclined to remind everyone that if I had not been BORN, we wouldn’t HAVE Wednesday Winners. So, there you have it. Congratulations, Pharon. Well thank you, Pharon.

In all honesty, I am probably one of, if not THE, least deserving winner in the very long history of Wednesday Winners. Especially this week. I wallowed in several bouts of hormonal crying fits, offended my mom, wore the same pair of socks 2 days in a row, used a friend for her access to electricity, and only pretended to listen when Geo told me about his hunting trip. I was not a very good person.

But, I don’t care! I also did a ton of GOOD stuff too. I babysat on a Saturday night, I apologized when I was being a jerk, ummm, I….I…man, what else did I do? Whatevs. It’s my birthday , so I don’t have to explain it.

At this very moment, twentyadfjkalf;kdgj years ago, I didn’t even exist yet. I was but a sea monkey. Then, lo! At 8:15 a.m. on a bleak Oct. 28 morn, a child was born and the world sprang to life anew. She would grow to be an exceptionally bright, beautiful, hilarious, and modest woman. She would be called Pharon, and she would be a clumsy, foul-mouthed, crazy person. All shall be right in the world.

So, Pharon, Congratulations on your win this week. You don’t really deserve it, but it’s yours. Now leave me alone…