Safe AND Sorry

Hypothetically, let’s say “someone” lost her mind tonight, and that “someone” started crying for no reason. Then maybe that “someone” took it on her hypothetical boyfriend. Let’s call him Leo. After angrily cleaning the house, throwing away perfectly good beer and cleaning supplies, this “someone” stubbornly declined a perfectly good movie date to see The Social Network, which I REALLY wanted to see. I mean, “someone”. Hypothetically, this non-existent “someone” probably really wanted to see The Social Network.

Alright, I give up. I’m the “someone”. I got overly frustrated about the messy state of the house, I had a really long day at work, and my brain is exhausted from thinking very deeply about becoming Amish. So, natch, I started an argument with Geo that caught him totally off-guard, and I knew my chances of a fun movie date were all but shot. But then Geo, being the good sport he is, told me I was insane and refused to indulge me in my maniacal outburst. So instead, we (I) ended up apologizing, then we (he) solved some problems, and then we laughed at Glee. Which, again, is an awesome show.

So, the reason I had such a cleaning outbust was because our landlady told me we were going to have a…dun dun DUUUUN! Safety Inspector come for a quick visit to put in some carbon monoxide detectors. However, I had a small inkling that said Safety Inspector would frown on our self-removal of those pesky smoke detectors. Also, the ginormous extension cord that stretches across the house plugging in an air conditioner and shoddy lamp on opposites sides of the house is typically, uh, not good. Now, I’m not sure, but I also think we’re not supposed to have a grill, okay TWO GRILLS, on the porch. But now? Now we are a well-oiled safety machine.

Awwww yeah! No fire will go undetected from now on. No one will have to fight through 400 paper bags and 20 half-full bottles of Windex to get to a fire extinguisher, that may or may not work. Oh, and best of all? During my frenzied freak out, I located the ridiculously long chain-link ladder in my closet that I can use to get out of my room on the third floor in case of fire, break-in, or hallucination that makes me think the ground is made out of snakes. Thank God!

So now that all is safe in the Pharon Square household, I can relax. Now, if Geo’s right, the dude will show up and be all “I just need to plug these carbon monoxide babies in and I’ll be on my way” and not even NOTICE that I have a habit of leaving my hair dryer plugged in, laying on the damp bathroom rug. (Did you know that on the WARNINGS of a hair dryer, it tells you not to use it in your sleep? Really?) And he probably won’t go digging through one of our many junk drawers and discover that that’s where we keep the gasoline, matches, and other Molotov Cocktail supplies. But, my motto’s always been: Better Safe Than Sorry. Plus, I totally have renter’s insurance anyway…