Badder Business Bureau

What is this world coming to? Seriously. I came home tonight, and one of my roommates was visibly upset. Turns out, Bally's Fitness Center is the Second Scammiest Company in the World. (I reserve that coveted top spot for one insurance company that shall remain nameless. Nope, screw it...World's Scammiest Company is Federated Insurance. Coming in a very close third behind Bally's is Comcast, for reasons I've explained before.)

But Bally's, man. They are horrible. DO NOT EVER SIGN UP for a membership there. Basically, my roommie signed up for a membership, asked if she could cancel at any time, and the dude said "Yup!" So, she signed a piece of paper and started using their crappy equipment. A few months later, she realized that Bally's is the worst gym ever. Cut to: tonight. She was looking at how to cancel her membership, and discovered the jackwad who assured her they weren't Soviet Russia had lied. She was locked in to her membership for THREE YEARS. Needless to say, she was upset.

I leapt into action, cyber-sleuthing my way through hundreds of links to people who have had the exact same life-ruining experience. Then I got Prinna to help. Within seconds, Prinna had found out who to contact, what to do, and why they make life so incredibly hard for people who pull back the curtain and discover that Bally's is just a bad, bad company.

What has happened to these companies? They SUCK. They screw with regular people all the time. They're all like "Yay! We're the best! Come work for/play with/hire us! We are awesommmme!" And then all of a sudden, something goes wrong, and they're like "FACE! PWNED YOU! You idiot! You TOOOOOTALLY trusted us and we GOT you with the fine print! Suckahhhh!" Wouldn't it just make more sense to, I don't know, not be a gnarly business?

I get so annoyed when things like this happen. I do. The average person is stressed out right now. Recession, unemployment, tech-overload, bills, trying to stay away from anything promoted by Kim Kardashian. Seriously. We don't have the capacity to also research every company ever to make sure they aren't, in reality, the worst company ever. I don't want to have to google "Target" just to make sure that by parking in their parking lot I'm not also agreeing to let them hire my car out for taxi services.

It's just so SAD and soulless. I know I'm ranting, but I don't care today. I'm annoyed that companies can abuse and harass the very people who keep them in business. It's childish. It's mean. It's, well, it would seem to me to be just Bad Business. Wouldn't it be more cost-effective to, oh I don't know, FIX a problem instead of running around covering your tracks? I didn't go to some fancy Business classes, but I DO know this: When I wear my hair in a ponytail all day and have a huge crease in it when I take it down, yes I COULD spend hours to try and straighten it and creatively braid it to hide the crease before heading out to play Bingo. But no: I wet it down in the sink wash it and get rid of the problem. Is that so hard to understand?

On the other hand, here is a quick list of companies who blow me away with their excellent service and help. They don't even have the greatest products all the time either, but I like them because if and when I have a problem, they fix it and help me understand what went wrong. They don't throw a piece of legalese my way and tell me I'm screwed before evil-laughing into the phone. Here are the Good Guys: USBank, Target, AT&T, Trader Joe's, YMCA, Kate Spade, Subaru, IKEA, Zazzle.com, and MAC Cosmetics. I like them. You all should support places like them who are nice and curtious and not evil.

But, my Public Service for the weekend is this: If you can at all help it, do NOT, and I repeat do NOT give your business to Bally's (or Federated or Comcast). They're bad, bad people. See you guys? I'm helping here. I'm providing a service to my faithful readers. And I urge you, if you are dissatisfied with your service or if I can improve your experience in any way, I look forward to speaking with you. I honor your patronage and will do everything in my power to give you the product and service you expect from us here at Pharon Square. (Bally's, are you writing this down?)

Peace out, guys. This weekend, do something nice for someone else. Because hey, SOMEone's gotta do it...

What We’ve Got Here is A Failure to Communicate

So, I'm in a bit of a war with a dude/chick on eBay right now. It’s a fierce battle of wits and honor, and there can be only one winner. It’s a matter of principles and integrity. As William Wallace might say, "It's well beyond rage. Help me. In the name of Christ, help yourselves. Now is our chance. Now. If we join, we can win." Plus, the whole thing is just plain annoying.

Here’s the long and the short of it. Two weeks ago, I was looking for a sweatshirt to give as a gift to Geo. The ones I was finding on the regular sites and stores were BLAHHHH, but then I found the one I wanted. On eBay. The seller claims to have a “store” where they print and ship everything, and indeed their stock levels were quite high. So, I did some clicking around and quickly decided, “Yup, this person checks out!”

Well, the Seller is a jerk. I may be getting scammed here. But I am way too stubborn to put a stop to the whole thing. See, here’s how it all went down:

I purchased said sweatshirt on a Tuesday. On Wednesday, I thought, ‘Maybe I should follow up with them and let them know I’m kind of on a deadline here.’ So, I sent a very nice email, requesting information. Here’s a snippet of my email:

”Can you please let me know the estimated delivery date of this item? I saw your excellent feedback and comments on how quickly you ship items, and initially didn't give it a second thought, but it's a gift for someone, so I just want to double check.”

Here was the response I received, verbatim:

”shouldn’t take to (sic) long”

Uh, okay. Helpful? Well, the birthday came and went. No sweatshirt. Then I got a message that the Seller was now “Unavailable until October”. So immediately I panicked, punched the air, and launched some profanities at my computer screen. Then I composed myself and emailed the seller again.

”It appears as though you are gone until Oct. and there is no shipping information/tracking # available. I need to know if this will not be sent until you return in October, or the tracking information so I can figure out whether or not I need to cancel this transaction.”

The seller’s response, again, verbatim:

"youll have it soon"

Well, that was it. I sent another email to Shakespeare. I informed him/her about the basic principles of Business Ethics, and how he/she was failing miserably. Then I reminded him/her of the repercussions bad feedback can have, and reiterated my overall disgust with the lack of information I was getting. I then threatened, “You are making me very worried about my purchase, and making yourself seem very shady. Don’t make me ask for my money back.”

The Seller replied that answering my emails was taking time away from shipping items, and they would just as soon refund my money than have to deal with this transaction any longer. HA! We’ll see about that! I will NOT be bullied into giving in to the crazy demands of an Evil Corporation who preys on the innocence of people who just want a stupid Sons of Anarchy sweatshirt! Cancel the transaction? NEVAHHH! Muahahahaha!

So I started to write another furious, spiteful email informing the Seller of my refusal to be neglected as a paying customer. Then, I stopped writing it. How long would this go on? How long will I be at the mercy of this faceless scam artist? I can end this. I decided to cut my losses and admit defeat. Sure, it may scar my reputation in the crazy-competitive world of the online sweatshirt-buying biz, but who cares? I can take the high road here (see MOM??) and sleep well tonight.

My Tongue is Killing Me

So, I’ve got the urge tonight to use this blog for evil, instead of good. Lately, I’ve been biting my tongue a lot, and I’m not exactly good at that. I can’t taste spicy foods anymore cause I bit that part clean off. And now, given the platform, I’m tempted to just let loose with a list of things and people who I want to either go away or be completely different. Rude, right? Yeah, I know. But it’s who I am, people. I just can’t be hilarious and nice all the time. I am but a human.

These past few days have reaaalllly tested my “Blogger Oath” to not just write about things I hate or people who are dumb, because I‘ve found myself alternating between screaming and crying at least a dozen times. Maybe it’s because I’m a product of Minnesota Nice, but I try to avoid actual confrontation at all costs. And when someone or something really irks me, I have a really difficult time communicating that. Well, communicating that as an adult. I’ve got a biting passive-aggressiveness that makes even me uncomfortable. And usually it’s either that, or the much-dreaded silent treatment.

Okay, so I’m working on all that, obvs. No one likes a passive-aggressive mute. Instead, I’ve been trying this little thing where I DON’T get all worked up over an annoying phone call at work, or when someone is late, or when I’M late and driving behind Grandma Moses. Geo once told me that his dad says “It’s not worth getting mad at someone/something you can’t control, unless it’s costing you money.” I’m trying to live by that. But there’s this gnawing urge I have to correct people who I believe are wrong, or to explain to them how annoying they can be. Enter: Me, the passive-aggressive beyotch. “I really should tell Beatrice (not her real name) that she needs to type softer on her computer (not a real situation) because really everyone hates her. I mean IT. Everyone hates IT. And she shouldn‘t have to live like that” I feel like it’s a public service I’m doomed to fulfill.

What do other people do? Do you guys really just, like, let things go? Live and let live? Am I really that terrible for getting so frustrated about dumb (and sometimes NOT dumb, but TOTALLY legit) things? Well, I’m listening to a lot of really hardcore rap these days to calm my spazzing nerves. Listening to it makes me feel like “Hey, you know what? Life on the streets probably AIN’T easy. And none of my homies are on death row. So I guess having to sit next to Loudest Talker Ever on the bus might not be that big of a deal.” It’s quite therapeutic, actually. There’s nothing passive about their aggressiveness. Aw man, now I wish I was a rapper.

Happy weekend!

An Open Letter to People Who Live Near Me and Are Annoying

To Whom it Definitely Concerns:

This morning, my public transport vehicle (bus) arrived and I boarded quickly, found a spot and sat down. When you boarded the bus, Offender #1, you slowly and heavily plopped down right next to me, despite the thousands of open seats. You then proceeded to read World’s Widest Newspaper, pausing only to chat loudly on your cell phone about a bill your wife could not locate. You must not have realized it, but you were all up in my personal space, and emitted the distinct odor of foot. I urge you to reconsider your careless decision to share your mornings with people.

In regards to your decision to casually bike around the lake next to my house, I applaud your determination to achieve physical health and well-being. However, Offender #2, you seem to have unknowingly cruised into the roadway and are obstructing the path of my much larger, much heavier car. Yes, you have a very nice bicycle, and it looks like it could go very fast. However, I can’t be sure, as you have clearly chosen not to utilize the full capability of all ten speeds. May I direct you to the bike path on your left? It’s that paved mini-road not more than 2 feet away that was specifically designed to carry non-motorized passengers such as yourself.

I, much like you Offender #3, appreciate the companionship a pet can offer. They give unconditional love to those who take care of them. I am having some difficulty in understanding the level of care you are providing, though, when your small canine must stay outside all night and morning. Perhaps he would enjoy coming inside the house to spend some time with you? I can’t be sure, but based on the duration of his desperate and constant yaps, it seems he is attempting to communicate with you. When I had a dog growing up, his bark notified us that we needed to change a stressful situation. You might want to bring him inside and give him a hug. And a shock collar.

May I speak frankly to you, Offenders #4-10? I understand that you are but children, but as members of the human race, I believe it is imperative that you learn not to scream bloody murder every time one of your friends does something to displease you. And though you may still be learning your manners and basic human skills, it is unkind to ride your scooter mere inches away from my feet as I walk down the sidewalk. I make a conscious effort, when entertaining friends, to realize that I am not the only person in the world and respect the noise coming from my house. It may behoove you to come to this same realization and reflect for a moment on the level of noise emitted from your inexplicably dirt-covered mouth.

I trust that you will consider these suggestions, and take the necessary measures to correct the above-mentioned actions. It is with nothing but respect that I urge to you change your personalities and lifestyles so as not to offend me further.

Sincerely,
World’s Most Perfect Neighbor