Thursday, January 2, 2014

Tea Party

I've been drinking tea lately. I don't know why. I used to only drink tea when I was sick as a kid, and back then I could barely tell it contained any sort of herbal nonsense whatsoever. I drowned it in honey and milk until it was cold and sugary sweet. But this winter, I've been drinking it because my bones are cold, coffee keeps me awake and I guess I'm getting old. Stupid tea.

I guess you could say that I also drank tea in college, but back then it was served with ice and booze and it came from Long Island. It made me less relaxed and more "dance on the bar." It was fun.

Anyway, now it's hot tea on a cold night while watching Dexter (my newest binge obsession on Netflix). Tonight, as I stood waiting for my tea to brew or steam or whatever it is that tea does, I made the very logical decision that I hate tea because it's a huge snob. Tea is to the beverage world as Gwyneth Paltrow is to the entertainment world. Stuck up without any good reason to be. If tea could have a baby, it would totally name it Apple. Ugh...TEA.

I kind of laughed to myself as I sipped on my liquid snobbery juice because despite my best efforts, I still love tea. It leaves ugly brown stains in all my best Kate Spade mugs, comes in too many flavors, is British (which, as we all know, is the snobbiest place ever) and is not wine. And yet...hear we are. Drinking tea and trying out a British accent when no one is listening. (Oy. Me accent is a li'l bit Bri'ish and a wee bit leprechan. Either way, I sound bloody mental. Off to the loo, matey! Oh bollocks, methinks that's a bit pirate as well, no?)

Is drinking tea like a snobby right of passage that happens when you're finally  at a stage in life when you don't have to steal toilet paper from the work bathroom anymore? Wait, am I going to have to start brushing my hair now?! What am I, the bloody Queen of England!?

Just because I am an immature non-snob, I just dumped some whiskey in my tea to show it who's boss. And now it's pretty disgusting. But whatever. The snobby aftertaste is gone and I feel like a the whiskey is the Boston Harbor and now it's time to party.

No comments: