Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Stacy Square!!

Hey y’all!! Stacy here! I’m an alter-ego Pharon concocted once during college to help her cope with late night studying, and then I reemerged during one of her old jobs when she discovered REAL stress. I LOOOVE studying and working hard!! I have infinite energy, and Pharon has asked me to guest blog tonight because that wussy girl was too tired. Poor thing. But double YAY for me! I’m totally stoked to be here, you guys. And I know we’ll be fast friends for life! So, while Pharon snoozes the deep sleep of people who don’t want to enjoy every single second of life, I’m going to take over for her.

You guys? I am so loving life right now. Unlike Pharon, I woke up ready to get the day started! I love mornings! There is so much promise and hope to each new day. I enjoyed a beautiful run around the neighborhood, smiling at all my neighbors and handing out high-fives to all the wonderful kiddies on their way to school. I love other people's kids! Then I came home and paid all my bills - early. I spent hours doing my hair and putting on makeup and ironing my clothes.

Pharon never irons clothes. She doesn’t even know where the iron is. Does she know we even HAVE an iron? Poor thing, probably not. She’s such an adorable little mess...

Then I went on another run because I love exercise. Then off to the food shelter to feed the homeless! I just LOVE volunteering whenever I have a spare moment. I mean, what ELSE would I do? Watch T.V.? Grody. I have way too much energy to sit and stare at OTHER people living life.

So, these days I’m kind of busy. I’m getting a Ph.D. in English, Rocket Science, and Medicine. I mentor kids on the weekends and am a foster parent for abandoned pit bulls and rats. I’ve started my own business where I design and print my own wrapping paper, and it’s really catching on. Susan Sarandon is my biggest client. I love saving money and studying the stock market to fully understand how to best invest my money. I’ve just become fluent in Mandarin Chinese and sign language, and last night I was informed that I won both a Betty Crocker cook-off and an MTV VMA.

Even though I’m a little busier than usual these days, I totally jumped at the chance to guest blog for Pharon. She kept begging me, saying “Come on, man! I need you to do this for me. I worked all day and my head hurts from snarling at people all day.” Poor Pharon. Doesn’t she know that she’d have more energy if she just ate vegetables, smiled all day long, went on a couple runs everyday, and didn’t drink wine while she cleaned the house? (I don’t drink. Blech! Never touch the stuff. It slows down my brain and makes it difficult to do the complex math problems that I love so much.)

I’m the Angelina to Pharon’s Jennifer Aniston. I would totally adopt a billion kids, but right now, what with my house doubling as a halfway house for teen runaways battling depression, I just don’t have the space.

So, you can probably see why Pharon keeps me around right now. I like to step in and take over her life when she’s too tired or angry or uninspired. Though, she doesn’t have me come around a lot, because she also thinks I’m horribly annoying. Oh well! I have this awesome little feeling that Pharon will want me around a lot more now. I’m always ready to go, I’m up for anything, and nothing ever makes me mad. I think I might bring Pharon a glass of warm milk and maybe I’ll run out and buy her a Nature Sounds machine. I like knowing she’s getting a good rest. Meanwhile, I’ll off for a late-night workout session followed by a quick trip to Mars to search for elements that will cure cancer.

Okay, nice to meet y’all (BTW, I’m also selectively Southern)! I can’t wait to totally hang out again! I’ll bring some homemade scones! Hugs and Kisses!

<3 Stacy

7 comments:

Grandmaman said...

Where can I buy the handmade stationery?

liz @ olive juice said...

This is a little creepy....

Pharon said...

Liz - Creepy 'cause Stacy doesn't drink? I know. That weirds me out too. She's super irritating, but what can you do? Learn to love her, Liz. She'll be an asset to you someday, I promise. :)

P.S. I'm hungry for an Olive Juice blog. When's the next one going to be posted??

Pharon said...

Grandmaman - Stacy hand delivers all the gift wrap herself via donkey. She's very "Green" that way.

Anonymous said...

Ever watch the series United States of Tara? "A woman struggles to find a balance between her dissociative identity disorder and raising a dysfunctional family."

I think you are well on your way!

Maybe I will send it to you for Xmas.

Anonymous said...

p.s. - I was referring to the dissociative identity disorder!
We all just might have a Stacy wanna be in our lives!

cindi said...

ew....that was funny..in a scarey sort-of-way...