Thursday, November 11, 2010

Phoney Baloney

Oh, hey Blackberry! What’s that little “SOS” symbol on your non-touch pad screen? Hmm…it’s so strange because all you’ve been doing is laying around in my purse, so I don’t know WHY you would randomly stop accepting and making phone calls. Okay, so maybe you’re moody for no reason. Where on EARTH would you get that characteristic?! Oh, you learned it from watching me? Fine, I get it. The point is, my phone is on the fritz, and I’d very much appreciate it if it would get over itself. It’s randomly not working, and me yelling at it is seemingly having little to no effect on it. Well, I’m out of solutions.

I’ll admit it. I made some compromises when I got this recent excuse for a mobile device. I gave up the 3G network, the flash on a camera, the one-touch ability to change my ringtone…because all I wanted was a full keyboard and a functioning camera (despite the no flash thing, which I didn‘t realize until much much later). Those were luxuries my old phone didn’t have. Though, my old phone DID double as a mirror, which totally ruled. It was the LG Shine, and I got it because LC from The Hills was in an ad for it, and that’s all I needed. Plus, it was essentially indestructible. I treated that phone like a brick yo-yo. Never once did it SOS on me.

Full disclosure: I once had a pager in middle school. I have no idea why. I remember the songs it played - later called “Ringtones” - and all the hilarious one-word L33T speak words that would pop up every once in awhile. HELL. HELLO. BOOBS. BOOB. Endless fun!! My first phone was that Nokia phone every person on the planet had. No texting, no camera, no colored screen. No frills. Just a regular ol’ phone. And when I got it my parents enforced the “FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY!” rule by loading it with like 20 minutes a month. I was in college before I got a phone I could actually talk on long enough to explain what I was going to wear out that night. (Side note: my roommate Tina, who is all of 21 years old, thinks it’s positively HYSTERICAL that I didn’t have a cell phone in middle school. Sorry girl, but I got Jem and the Holograms, strong interpersonal skills, Reebok high tops, day-glo, and the ability to research information NOT on wikipedia. I think we can all agree that I come out ahead.)

My mom was IT when it came to adopting the “wireless phone” phenomenon. She was the first person I ever knew that had a phone she could carry around with her. She had this phone that was attached to a 25-pound charger that she easily toted around in a giant shoulder bag. And she looooves to tell us the story of when she got her first “wireless phone” call. She explained to us 5 kids that the phone was for EMERGENCIES ONLY. The first call she got from us? One of us in hysterics because someone had eaten the last of the cereal. The term “emergency” is so subjective.

Still, I have no desire to get one of those crazy fancy phones, shoulder bag or not. Kim (sorry to call you out, Kim, but this is just too good) is on her 3rd iPhone, I believe. People don’t realize how easily, and often, a phone can fall into a toilet. I myself am far too clumsy to own a phone that costs more than I would spend on a Kate Spade bag. But, hindsight being 20/20, I should have at least sprung for the 3G on this phone. Or at least the “Non SOS’ing” function. Let’s be honest though. My current phone bill shows that I’ve used 250 minutes of talk time all month. On the other hand, I’ve sent 1,000 text messages. I just don’t talk on my phone that much. Talking is for people who still have 3 letters on each number on their phone. Sheesh, n00bs.

So, I guess I’m stuck in a perpetual state of SOS. I made a snap decision that only took into account the price, and the so-called “smart”ness of a smartphone. Sure, I can take a low-quality picture of a fox eating a Big Mac and send it right to Facebook and Twitter, but at what cost? Someone could be calling me right now. Right this very moment. And I’d look at it and ignore it, and then text them back saying “What’s up?” Instead, I guess I’ll just wait for my phone to get over itself and come back to life. The good news is that I’ve got plenty of cereal to tide me over for awhile.

Have a great weekend, everyone!


JessiferSeabs said...

Ha! My parents had the Zach Morris phone when I was a kid... it was ridiculous. But we thought it was so cool. And if you feel old for not having a cell in junior high, think about this -- I didn't even have a cell phone IN COLLEGE. Well, I had one my senior year for those roadtrips to my parents new place in Indiana, but I was like the only person on campus to have a cell. It was that summer that the cell phone revolution happened and then everybody on the planet had that nokia you talked about. But nobody on campus had cells until the year AFTER I graduated. Weird!

Anonymous said...

You sure your phone isn't on the fritz because you dropped it in the toilet one too many times?

Pharon said...

Haha, nope! I've only ever dropped a phone in a toilet once....and it was that little Nokia phone in college. It survived the near-drowning oddly enough. Ever since then I've been very careful NOT to put my phone in my back pocket again.

Jess - My mom also had that Zach Morris phone for a bit! I loved that thing.