UR SO VAYN

So I ran to Target tonight, because, well why not? On my car ride, I noticed an astoundingly high number of cars with vanity plates. You know, license plates that say something. On purpose. Spell check optional. As I was driving behind WWSFBD, I decided that SFB would own a red Corolla, encourage me to see motorcyclists, and ultimately cut me off. SFB is a total jerk. I hate SFB.

Vanity plates are tattoos for your car. Some plates are profound. Some are funny. Some I wish I had myself. Like PAPOU, who I had the privilege of waiting behind at a red light. I loved that plate. I had no idea what it meant, but it made me laugh. I was driving with my friend Claire, who has graciously continued to call me Papou ever since.

But I’m sorry. Some vanity plates (and tattoos) are dumb. It’s like someone had a few drinks, and decided “I just want people driving behind me to know how much I love bananas,“ and strolled on over to the DMV. All of a sudden, B4N4N4S is stealing my parking spot at the mall. And now I can get mad at you by name, Bananas. And I can’t help but conclude that the 35 year old woman driving a Wrangler has a big ol’ bunch of bananas tattooed on her ankle.

Now, I don’t have a tattoo (or a vanity plate, for that matter). I always wish I did have a tattoo though. I’m definitely the kind of person who SHOULD have one. I pierced my eyebrow on whim, on my way to Speaking and Reading class in college. I dyed my hair black. Then blonde. Back to black. Red. You get the idea. I’m a firm believer in self expression. But, I gotta say, if I was allowed to get the tattoo(s) I wanted in high school, I’d have Chinese characters up and down all my fingers. With a cross on my second toe for good measure. And that delicate little butterfly/fairy doodle on my shoulder blade. Oh, and a boys name on my hip. Basically, I’d be a mess of self-expression, and no direction.

I’ve concluded that the reason I don’t have a tattoo is the exact same reason I don’t have vanity plates. I just plain don’t have one thing I can stick with for the rest of my life. Or until my lease is up. I mean, it’s a big decision, right? What WOULD SFB Do? Obviously SFB is pretty important to someone, and I’ll let it slide. But I hope we can all agree that no one should let GAGALVR near the tattoo parlor.